WITHIN ME FOREVER
This year I turn 10. Do not be astonished, I am not talking about my age. It is going to be a decade since I became a Mom. When you step into motherhood. Not only do you bring a new life into the world, but get a whole new life yourself. EVERYTHING changes in this new avatar. Frankly, I am becoming ten this Diwali.
Ten long years- yet, I can remember almost every bit of my journey. Each milestone that my firstborn encountered - is engraved on my mind. I can see it clearly and vividly. How the nurse pointed out his finely shaped eyebrows as she laid him into my arms, the clothes he had worn on the day of the first vaccine, his first proper meal, his favorite song. The first day of playschool, nursery, etc., etc. Do you get what I mean?
However, it is just the opposite of the second one. What happened? Did I close my eyes in exhaustion by the time she started taking her first steps? Maybe, I just settled down as a mother. The second kid sorts you out as a parent. You learn to treat your kids as kids. And stop being obsessed with the creatures. I graduated from being a scout on constant ATTENTION to one AT EASE.
It is generally this way for children born second or third in any family. These kids learn to find their way around better than their elder siblings. Parents become wiser and let the child be; without fussing unnecessarily as they do for their firstborn. Although I get it often "you love Bhaiya, more than me!" no one believes it. My younger one is as spoilt as the first, if not more. She’s “The Smarty” who gets her way every time! IN EVERYTHING!
Pretty often I find myself admonishing my kids in the same manner that my Mother used to. I've become MY MOM reincarnate - I never thought I would. I hated her, all through my years of growing up. So often I get the same treatment from my brats when I'm strict and enforcing rules. They Hate Me!
This is the experience of being a Parent. It's like a rollercoaster ride. At one time you are at a peak and the next minute you come hurtling down. Before you can take a breath, there comes a steep turn that makes your body stretch like an elastic band. You must hold tight, fasten the seatbelt and be ready to SCREAM! Don't hop on the ride if you want to keep your sanity intact. You’ve got to get your hands dirty, your clothes and hair all messed up, and, end up breathless! Then be prepared for the ride to start all over again!!!
Parenting is tough and challenging, nonetheless an exhilarating experience!
My kids are my responsibility. They didn't choose to be born, that choice was mine. Whatever it takes, I will do my best to give them the best. I owe it to them. Education, learning, values, skills- professional and interpersonal – all-around excellence. That's our endeavor. All moms and dads want the same. We all try to do the best for our children. There are no rules to Parenting. It’s unfair to judge anyone’s parenting. Some moms are hardworking, some are lazy, some mothers are over-cautious and some are laid back. Some like me are strict while others are lenient. The key as Lord Buddha said, is in finding - The Middle Path. I'm yet to trudge upon it.
If I take extra care and make meals as per the choice of the children- I’m making them fussy. If sometimes I just want to let go and keep it simple- I’m lazy. If the mother shows her affection towards her kids- she’s pampering them and being overprotective. However, if she treats them normally- she’s rude and indifferent! Phew! Take the rough with the smooth- we all sail through- I HOPE!
Despite the hardships, the better part of motherhood is- The Children. To be able to hold and care for your own. Little hands, tiny feet, and chubby chins to cuddle and watch them grow. Unconditional kisses and hugs can brighten up the darkest of days. I see a reflection of myself in their sparkling eyes. Bringing them up makes me relive my childhood, my fantasies, and my dreams. I’m never alone as I’ve found best friends in my two darlings. Kids can be molded by love and care. That’s the only rule that you can follow.
We, new-age moms want our kids to be as independent as possible. I’m no different. “When will you eat on your own? Why can’t you go down without me accompanying you?” You must do most of your tasks on your own, I can’t help you always” These are common laments I’ve made. However, as they turn older and more independent I miss being needed all the time. “Chill Ma, I’ll do it on my own.” I strangely miss the times when I sat long hours beside him with the Math and Phonics.
“Mom, I’m going down!” yells the younger brat and before I can say Jack Nicholson, the door slams shut. I feel lost…. Too early isn’t it for the empty nest syndrome to settle in? Within minutes she’s back, tears rolling down her cheeks. Some kids pulled her hair and teased her. I must go and teach them a lesson!!
“Mamma, will you help me?”
“Sure darling, I’ll always help you!” I reply beaming.
We can’t hold onto our children. It's important to let go and have no expectations. May their dreams take them to unprecedented heights and their endeavors meet success unparalleled.
As life unfolds, they will encounter disappointment, heartbreak, and anguish. In moments when they need me, I will be there. Physically or emotionally We parents will be there to support our kids. That little light that came from me will be Within Me, Forever.
