The Battle Of The BULGE

One afternoon as I sat concentrating hard before the computer screen, my hand unconsciously reached out for the cookie jar… Whoops! It was snatched away with a loud shout-“NO!!! No, Mamma! STOP IT.

Taken aback, I look up to see my 5 year old waving a finger in my face. “You can’t eat any sugar ma, remember?” She then goes on to roll her little hands on her tummy in an obscene gesture and say “You’ll become fatter!”

Holy Christ! Livid with anger, I’m about to shout at the poor kid when I recall she’s only doing what she’s been asked to. With an exasperated sigh, I get up and give her a tight hug. She is my “Guardian against Monsters”. She safeguards me against the dangerous ‘Sweet Tooth Monster’ and the ferocious ‘Fried Cravings Monster.’

The Sweet Tooth Monster is buried deep until he awakens every year during the festive season. Starting with Krishna Jayanti, Rakhi, Ganesh Chaturthi and finally the mother of all festivals- Diwali! Our unwanted guest is on an extended stay!

Each box of cake or candy that comes home is swiftly passed on to someone else- a friend/a relative or a well-wisher. No matter how quickly I move, it’s impossible to deplete the pile. Some are gifts from people close to our hearts. Some are just too delicious to give away! SO, the monster lives on.

The fact that I have so many fabulous home bakers on my friends list doesn’t help my cause at all. Endless promotional posts on the social media … with tempting pictures of the most amazing cakes and desserts - anyone would succumb. I do too!

The Fried Cravings Monster, however is always around. If the lunch is a simple dal rice- out come the fried crispies! Come rains and this monster is at his ferocious best. Pakoras, Samosas and irresistible Bread rolls are gobbled; completely ignoring the diet plan.  Blame it on the weather.  The Monster looking on laughs- loud and cruel.

 “I’ll eat just today. Tomorrow I’ll stop eating fried and sugar completely. I Promise.”

Promises, as we know- are meant to be broken.

“I’ll work out the extra calories”. A week of intense workout and somebody compliments me that I’m looking great. How do I celebrate? With a chocolate, of course!

I put my Guardian into action. “Don’t let me eat any chocolate, cookies or mithai” OK? Please take it away as soon as I reach for it. Stop me if I put pizza or potato chips into my mouth darling”. My little soldier takes her job seriously. Out at a party, as soon as I begin to put the slice of pizza or cake into my mouth I feel a tug on my dress. I look back at her standing with a wicked grin and a menacing finger pointing to the food- NO, No, no!!

My Guardian and I, together we fight the monsters. We battle them hard and send them packing! Until they return….. No matter how much I try I cannot win. The never-ending Battle of the Bulge continues.