SUGAR AND SPICE

SUGAR AND SPICE & all that’s, NICE?

                  I hate Cooking. Period. Not because it’s messy and sweaty but because of the very monotony of it! Chop and clean, roast and fry, roll out the dough and heaven knows what more…

      On most days I keep my cooking simple, or rather I let the cook handle it! A cook is a luxury which I give myself- not because I can’t cook or my family demands elaborate meals- the kids are paltry peckers… But to ensure SOME freedom from the four confining, imprisoning walls of the KITCHEN!

                   My grouse with the entire cooking story is the total perfunctory nature of the outcome. A well prepared three or 5 course meal could take anywhere from a few hours to a few days to prepare. Once laid on the table it doesn’t take more than a half hour or so for the food to be devoured. That’s it! Kaput! Gone for good through the mouth to the esophagus into the stomach and then the intestines to be digested and finally excreted… Ughhh!! To put in so much effort into an activity and the result is “shit”. Quite literally!!

                  The time taken for preparation is on a general note inversely proportional to the consumption time. The more elaborate a dish to prepare, the better it tastes and the faster it’s finished. For example the mutton galouti kabab which I, obviously don’t know how to make but presumably takes about 9 hours to cook...When done the right way. Put it in your mouth- hmmmm, it melts... in less than 9 seconds. Shazam!!

     Compare this to a fresh salad which I make often within minutes- wash and tear few lettuce leaves fine, add some cucumber, onion, carrots and tomatoes- all diced coarsely and toss in some salt and pepper- mix it well on the way to the table and you can munch it for a good 15 minutes or more while watching your favourite web series and - All that munching is good exercise for your facial muscles too!

                   If I were given 9 hours here’s what I’d do- four hours to cook a week’s meal (my limit) and the other 5 hours- Mine! Let’s dedicate an hour a day at a stretch each evening with the kids and we’d have a well written piece by the elder one and a well-drawn masterpiece by the younger one!! Or else- divide the five hours into an hour a day, five days a week at a high intensity zumba class!! 2 inches off the waist and super energy through the weekend. Sounds good?

    I guess you all think I’m very lazy and my kids are always junking! That’s far from the truth. When it comes to task organization - cooking takes priority on my list. Surprised? I like to finish it as soon as possible like a bitter, dreadful spoon of medicine that must be gulped down for recovery. A clean and spotless kitchen in the morning would inspire most women to wonderful thoughts of the culinary delights they could create. I rush to see the calendar if it’s a sacred day like Satyanarayan and if we could all fast till night- So the spotless kitchen can stay that way- beautiful and bright! Hardly ever get that lucky though!

    To my younger brat the sight of her mum in the kitchen when she wakes up each morning is very reassuring. She calls me “The Cooker” and wants to become a “cooker” just like me when she grows up! Is that a compliment?? Anyways, I guess to all of us our fondest childhood memories are of the food that our moms made or make. Home is where the best dal chawal/rajma chawal or mooli paranthas come from. Food has such a hold on our emotions- we long for the taste of the Pav bhaji sold outside Elco market, that Ravioli from my first date at the expensive Italian joint, the gatte ki sabji prepared by mom etc., etc. I guess that is all that cooking leaves you with- few fond memories. Nothing very tangible- it must be recreated every single time. You are a great cook- how do I believe it until I taste your culinary expertise?

         The latest obsession of women/men inclined to spending long hours in creating elaborate exotic delicacies is Food Photography. They click pictures or get them professionally clicked of the dishes prepared and post it on WhatsApp groups and on their Instagram accounts. I think it makes the whole monotonous and boring affair a little worthwhile when you get comments and likes for the pictures. I’ve done it too! Frustrated after a long day of teaching the kids during national Lockdown period I decided to try my hand at homemade rasgulla. After the ordeal we clicked pictures of the pretty fluffy white balls soaked in sugar syrup and posted them on Insta and WA groups. The likes and comments that “the picture” received made me feel fabulous. The next day another friend put similar pictures of rasgullas she’d made and I can’t even sue for plagiarism!!!  Now you know why I dislike cooking?

     Mankind’s obsession with food has given rise to thousands of cuisines from all across the globe. Gluttony is a sin that is so revered by Humans, it is cause to a large extent of the world’s population of diabetes, hypertension and cancer patients. Long hours of standing and cooking gives varicose veins to most Indian women including my mother. From my perspective cooking is a necessity. I cook (simple and quick) to keep my family and me healthy and nourished. Indulgences are left to probably once or twice a month.

     Please, to all of you who love to cook- to all the chefs extraordinaire who’ve made careers in the field - I ask your forgiveness. You have my highest respect and admiration. It is you who give us mothers a much needed break when we can officially shut the kitchen and go dine out. You do what I long to never do. At a recent party as the birthday boy’s face was smashed into the cake, my heart went out to the person who’d laboriously created that beautiful double layered chocolate dream. Alas, no one else shared my pity…

   While on a trekking excursion few years back all that kept us going in our journey to the peak were cups of hot tea with paranthas and of course maggi! That’s what I insist and believe- to those who aim to reach the zenith of whichever peak they choose- keep the cooking simple and move on.. For the other lucky ones who have nowhere to go- You are welcome to the overwhelming world of sugar and spice, and all that’s really nice!